Baby # 4 is a...

GIRL!!

{Baby Girl Gifford is waving at you}

We have never done this before but we scheduled a gender ultrasound this time.  It has always frustrated me how all my Florida friends find out several weeks before I do what they are having.  My sister had the idea that we should just pay and have an ultrasound done so we could find out sooner....so that is what we did.  We were beginning to wonder if we were even going to get to find out today.  Baby girl is so ladylike that she didn't want to uncross her legs.  Finally after me turning side to side and walking around she decided to cooperate.

Eric and I have been so nervous.  It has been such mixed emotions because our hearts desire has always been to have a daughter at some point.  After being told we would never get pregnant again...we didn't know if that would happen.  I was so afraid of my reaction if this baby was a boy.  I feel so blessed to even be pregnant and the last thing I wanted was to seem ungrateful.  BUT I have 3 boys, who wouldn't want a little girl?  

My Dad's wife Elsie, told me when I first got pregnant that she knew this was going to be a girl.  She said that I had to have faith and speak it out loud.  I began to do that...but only by myself.  I began to speak it and believe it.  I had this feeling that this was our girl but I didn't know if it was because I wanted it so badly or because I had faith (it can be very confusing).

My Mom sent me an email last week that talked about Hannah (1 Samuel 1:10-11) and how she was barren and prayed and begged God to give her a son.  She promised Him that if He did, she would give him back to the Lord.  The title of my Mom's email was, "It's ok to ask God for a girl."  Honestly, that made me feel so much better because that is what I was already thinking/praying.

Last night, Gavin asked me if he could pray for the baby.  He put his little hands on my tummy and said, "Dear God, we aren't asking for much but could you please give us a little girl.  We love you.  Amen." So simple and yet so heartfelt.  He then told me that he hoped when I picked him up from school that I would still be crying because I was so happy.

When I picked Gavin up from school, of course the first thing he wanted to know was "what is it?" I told him that the baby in Mommy's tummy was a girl.  He was so excited, he was screaming.  He asked if we cried and I told him that we held back tears, he said he was holding back tears too.  I told him that Jesus had heard our prayers and he loves us so much that he gave us what we asked him for.  Our wise beyond his years 7 year old said, "yep, just like the Bible says, ask and it will be given to you."

The way that all of this has happened is just so...God.  This is the perfect ending to His story.

Growing up...I always wanted to be a Mom.  

I can remember as a little girl carrying my cabbage patch doll, Emma around church.  

She had green eyes and blonde hair just like me.  

I never had these big ambitions for a career...I always just wanted to be a Mom.  

Fast forward several years and after struggling with years of infertility and having 2 surgeries we were given the gift of 3 amazing sons.  

I was told that my baby having days are most likely over, that I will not ovulate anymore.  

Eric and I still had a desire to add a daughter to our family, a baby sister for all these big brothers to protect.

We start discussing going back to the fertility Doctor.  

Then without even trying we become pregnant, a surprise miracle pregnancy.

God loves us so much, He remembered that little girl carrying her baby doll around.  

He knew that we wanted a daughter and he blessed us with one.  

A perfect ending to His story and a perfect completion to our family.  

We are all so grateful for baby Hensley Faith Gifford.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7)

Miracles do happen!

Disclaimer:  This is a long post!  This is just too amazing of a story not to include every detail.  If you don't care about the details....then you can just skip to the bottom.


Eric and I have been so blessed.  We have 3 beautiful boys. It took a lot of heartache and prayers to get them here, each one is a miracle.
Gavin took the longest to conceive.  We went through about 2 full years of treatments and surgery--probably 12 rounds of treatments total.  His birth was easy and like a party.  It was also my only "natural birth" (natural meaning no c-section not no drugs....I'm not crazy!).
Nolen was the easiest as far as actually getting pregnant, considering it only took 2 rounds of treatments.  However, the way he came in to this world was by far the scariest time of my life.  Fortunately, everything turned out great but I thought I would never want to be pregnant again.
Cohen took another surgery and several more rounds of treatments as well but the pregnancy and delivery were great and it really put all my c-section fears to rest.
I had always said I wanted 3 kids and Eric had always said he wanted 2.  After we had Nolen, we knew that we weren't done.  Then I said 3--maybe 4 and Eric said 3 and for sure done.  When Cohen was born, I knew in my heart that I wasn't finished having babies.  My Mom has always told me that when she was pregnant with my sister (the baby of our family) she enjoyed every second of it but knew that she was finished being pregnant and was ready to move out of the baby phase of life.  I didn't feel that way.  At first, Eric said that we were done but as the months went by he began to feel that we were meant to add to our family again.
Shortly after Cohen turned one we started discussing what we were going to do.  We had been told by our fertility Doctor that I would probably not even ovulate anymore and since I was no longer responding to the fertility shots like I had with Gavin and Nolen she did not feel that another pregnancy was a possibility, even with fertility treatments.
I have been told over and over in the past 10 years that I have endometriosis, no progesterone, ovaries that are not conducive to ovulation, that I ovulate early.....that I cannot become pregnant on my own.  I did have a very early miscarriage in July of 2008 (when Nolen was 1) but my progesterone was a 3 and my HCG levels never increased like they were supposed to.
We have had an extremely busy winter, Eric has been gone more than ever and was gone about 3 weeks out of the month.  This is way too much information but with all of his traveling we only got to "make whoopee" (ha!) one time.  I did do an ovulation kit but never got a positive and so I just gave up since Eric was going to be out of town anyway.  I did not take progesterone.  I have taken progesterone for the first trimester with all the of our boys.
I had not been feeling well and even mentioned to Eric that "if I didn't know better, I would think I was pregnant".  I continued to have symptoms and finally decided to go get a pregnancy test.  I didn't tell anyone.  I came home and peed on the stick and waited....then I decided to move the test from the bathroom and when I did I messed it up.  Ugh....it said I needed to retest.  I had to rush out and so when I came home I went upstairs and took another test.  I went and gathered some laundry and walked back by the test and glanced at it, knowing it would be negative.  IT SAID PREGNANT!  I could not believe it.  I text a picture of it to Eric, to which he responded "what is that?".  Ha!  We have never had the experience of not expecting to be pregnant and getting a positive test.
I immediately took progesterone and called my fertility Doctor.  They were closed for the weekend and I left a message telling her what had happened.  She just happened to check her messages and called me back.  She was quite surprised herself and sent me an order for bloodwork.  She told me that she wanted my HCG level to be above 50 and my progesterone above 15.  She ordered it stat and said that she would call me later that evening.  She never called that night and I hardly slept a wink.  She called me at 7:00 Saturday morning.  My HCG was around 850 and my progesterone was 25!  She wanted me to come back to retest on Monday morning to make sure the levels were increasing like they were supposed to but said that everything looked really good.
We spent most of Saturday and Sunday in complete shock.  Saturday morning as I was making breakfast Gavin came in the kitchen singing, "My Mommy has a baby in her tummy!" over and over.  Eric and I were surprised because we had not told him.  I asked him why he said that and his response was, "Because you do!  Because I prayed!"  I love that childlike faith!
I went back last Monday and had my HCG and progesterone checked again.  She called me with the results and said that my HCG was around 2800 and my progesterone was great!  She said congratulations and that it looks like a great pregnancy to her!
I called my OB to set up my appointment and they told me that they don't do your first appointment until 8-9 weeks.  I was really bummed because with all my other pregnancies I have had an ultrasound (by my fertility Doctor) at 6 weeks.  I scheduled my appointment for the end of February and realized that I would just have to wait like normal people.  The next morning, I got a call from my OB's nurse.  My fertility Doctor had sent over my bloodwork paperwork.  She wanted to know what was going on, I told her and she said "well, you shouldn't have to wait that long for an ultrasound!" and scheduled it for Monday (today).
Today Eric and I went for our first OB appointment.  We had an ultrasound and got to see the heartbeat.  Everything looks perfect and even my Doctors were shocked.  My due date is October 6, 2012.

I cannot tell you how humbled and loved I feel by God.  I have always known that God loved me.  He cares about even the smallest details of our lives.  He knew that even though we have 3 amazing boys that were conceived through fertility.....that ours hearts desire was to conceive a baby without fertility.  He loves me so much that he gave that to me....even though I don't deserve it.  God's grace is so good.
There is no explanation for why I got pregnant at the age of 32, when I should be "less fertile" than I was at the age of 24 when I was trying to get pregnant for the first time.  There is no explanation for why my progesterone was good this time when it hasn't been in the past.  The only explanation is that it is a miracle.....and we are so so humbled and honored that we get to experience this.

FINALLY!!!

So.....I was driving this morning to get bloodwork done to find out if I am pregnant.  I was praying and listening to my Kari Jobe CD and I looked over and saw this old semi.  One the back of it....it had one word.  It was a really strange word to be on the back of a semi.  It said..............................................

Finally!

I stared at it for a few seconds.....and decided that it was a word from God for me.  Of course it was....why else would that word be on the back of that truck today?.....definitely for me.  God was telling me that finally this long fertility journey is over. 

I just knew I was pregnant.......and I was right. 

I

AM

  PREGNANT!

I don't want anyone to be mistaken and think that I am pregnant because of my fertiity Doctor.  God works THROUGH Doctors and that is exactly what happened.  He worked through my Doctor and is blessing Eric and I with a 3rd miracle!  If you recall....from what my Doctor said my chances were not good. 

I am so grateful to everyone who has prayed us through this difficult time.  Infertility is NO joke....it is emotionally, financially and physically draining.  Every time that I was discouraged....God laid me on someone's heart and I got a call, a text or an email.  THANK YOU!!!! 

All of your prayers and mine were answered today!  Thank you Jesus!

I believe in miracles.....

Most of you know about my Niece Ayla.  I had requested prayer for her a few weeks ago.  She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was born and her whole life is a miracle.  She spent the first few months of her life in the hospital and has endured 3 surgeries.  A few weeks back we thought she may have yet another surgery in her near future for a blockage.  She was transferred to Shands and responded to treatment and her blockage did not require surgery!  A miracle in the form of good ole constipation!!!!
Let's face it....the economy is not great and Eric is a builder.  So....budgeting is very important for us!  We have had to be very smart with our money and with all this fertility stuff---lets just say it has been rough.  To make a VERY long story short.....we finally got a contract on Eric's house!!!!  The way it all came about is nothing short of a miracle.  At Church on Sunday we took communion and our Pastor said three different prayers....if you felt like you needed prayer in one of those areas then you were to stand for that prayer.  Obviously, I stood for physical healing-DUH!  We also stood for a financial need.  Eric really felt like God spoke to him during that prayer and told him to expect a call on the following day about his house.  It happened and he showed them the home Monday night!  They LOVE it and signed the contract last night!  We KNOW that God sent a buyer for that house....and the timing was perfect.
So....we KNOW that miracles happen and we are hoping and praying for another miracle this month!  We already have 2 amazing miracles named Gavin and Nolen....whats one more right???  Thanks for the prayers....keep 'em coming!

And then there were 3....

Thank you so much for all the texts and emails I have received over the past few days checking on me and my eggs-haha! 

I went for an ultrasound on Friday and I had 5 eggs--we were hoping for 10 but they were 5 good looking eggs all growing at about the same pace.  I was happy....I was told to continue with shots and come back on Monday. 

When I went back yesterday....I only had 3.  The others were still there but had fallen behind and will not be big enough to release when I ovulate. 

So.....as my sister says, I have "3 grade A" eggs.  Last cycle when I only had 2 eggs I cried in the Doctors office (it was really embarrasing even though I am sure it happens a lot there).  I felt hopeless.  This time is different.....I feel good about my 3 eggs and I am hopeful that this is going to be the month. 

According to my Doctor my ovaries are just not cooperating and I am quickly running out of time.  Obviously, I know that God could work a miracle and I could get pregnant 6 months from now without the help of any Doctor.  However, it is VERY scary to think that I could possible never be pregnant again even though that is the desire of my heart as well as my husbands...and even the boys. 

So..........I am hopeful that this is my month and I can put all this fertility junk behind me.  Please pray with me and my family that this is it!  Three eggs are more than enough....

Hormones and Headaches!

So....
I have had a headache for 2 days now.

Yesterday, was possibly the worst headache that I have ever had.

It could be because of the shots OR it could be the fact that I went cold turkey--no caffeine! Yes....I am crazy! I read online that caffeine can affect your fertility and since I will try anything....I have a pounding headache! In case you are
wondering--yes, I have stood on my head too...doesn't work!!!


I failed to mention my most favorite Christmas present that Eric got me is my new Tassimo Single Coffee Machine.

As you can imagine....it is very hard to resist my morning Chai Tea Latte or Starbucks Latte. Oh how I miss you Tassimo!!!

Round 4...or 5--I lost count.

I feel like a broken record with all this trying to get pregnant stuff....but we are trying again so we could use your prayers.

I had an appointment this morning with Dr. H and everything looks great to start shots. We will be starting Sunday. I will be doing 4 powders to 1 liquid 2x a day for the first 2 days, then I will switch to 3 powders to 1 liquid 2x a day until Friday when I have another ultrasound. I have never done 4 powders to 1 liquid before....Dr. H is hoping that by increasing the amount on the front end that it will stimulate better quality and more eggs.

I really need to NOT have pokey ovaries this time. I need about 10 amazing eggs!

Dr. H said that my best chance is within 3 months after having surgery. I had surgery in October....it is now January--you get the picture!

So....please pray, pray, pray with us for lots of beautimous eggs! K? Thanks.

Me and my raging hormones will keep you posted!

What I Know....

I don't know....
1. Why I didn't get pregnant....AGAIN.
2. Why something that is sooo easy for most people (and often times happens on "accident") is sooo hard for me.

BUT.....this is what I DO know.
1. I have the most amazing husband. As hard as all this must be for him...he supports me and loves me and is so strong for me.
2. Every time that I go through all of this and it ends this way....I realize more and more the miracles that my boys are. I have done the exact same thing (4 times now....and surgery) that worked both times with them and have not gotten pregnant.
3. I have a family and friends who love me and are praying for me and I know that it has made a difference.
4. I have stopped praying and asking and begging to just get pregnant and am actually praying for God's perfect timing and perfect will AND its not just words....I really mean it.
5. I know that God has a plan and I trust Him. He knows the desires of our heart and it will happen his way and in his timing.

Merry Christmas! Gotta go love on my miracle boys.

More conversations about babies....

It happened again.

This time with Gavin and Nolen. This was our conversation:

Nolen: Mommy, did eeww have to det a shot today @ doctor?

Me: No....no shots today.

Gavin: Why do you have to get shots sometimes?

Me: Well, we are trying to get a baby in Mommy's belly...and that is just what some people have to do.
Nolen: Ooohhh....I wanna baby in eeww bewy Mommy.

Me: Me too Nolen....we just have to pray and ask Jesus to put a baby in Mommy's belly.

Nolen: Ok...."Jesus....pwease put a baby in my Mommy's bewy. Thank eewww....AMEN!"

Me: Awww....thank you Nolen. That was so sweet!

Gavin: I have been praying that too....just in my head.

Whether out loud or in our head....we are all praying the same prayer! I love hearing my children pray. So sweet!!

From Bad to Worse....

I was so hoping to be able to say that I now have 20 eggs and they all look amazing....but that is not the case.

Two.....I have two eggs on one side and 0 on the other. I suppose the bright side (I am looking really hard) is that the 2 eggs that I do have are good eggs.

After talking with Dr. H and Eric....we are not going to do insemination this cycle. Dr. H said that she can't tell me that it is worth the cost....with only 2 eggs. We are going to try on our own. I still did my trigger shot (to make me ovulate) and I will still do progesterone so that if I do get pregnant I won't miscarry like I did last time.

Dr. H informed me today that if I do not get pregnant this month that she would try the shots for 2 more cycles and if I don't produce more eggs then there is really nothing else to do. I am on the highest dose of shots available and if they are not helping me to make more eggs then nothing will.

She told me that I am very fortunate that Eric and I started trying at a young age because if we would have waited until now to start a family.....I may not have ever gotten pregnant. I already knew that our boys were miracles....but that just makes me even more aware of just how blessed I am to have them.

I feel like a bomb was dropped on me today. I know that God can work a miracle....like I said before--I only need one egg to get pregnant. My husband, our boys and I all want another baby....I know that God has given us that desire. I think that is the hardest part--I want to give my husband another baby and our boys a sibling and I have NO control over if or when that will happen. I feel in some ways like I am letting them down....

I don't understand why we have to go through this....I don't know why it is soooo easy for some people to get pregnant and seems impossible for me. I want so badly to add to our family and it is so hard knowing that I cannot do what I was created to do.

But...it is amazing to know that there are people out there praying for us. When I get home and check my facebook or blog and I have a comment that God put me and my family on some one's heart at the exact time that I was hearing some not so good news; you just have no idea how much that means to me.

I would appreciate your prayers now.....that God would bless us with a Christmas miracle. A pregnancy would be ideal but if not that then a peace that passes all understanding...because I don't understand.

Pokey Ovaries (again) and My Boys!

So, as I said in my previous post I had an ultrasound this morning. It didn't go quite as I had hoped.

First of all....I had to take my boys. I definitely did not want to have to explain what was going on to Gavin and Nolen. Thankfully, the nurses are amazing and they brought out coloring sheets and sat with my boys while I did my "stuff".

I found out that my ovaries are still pokey. I am trying to keep in mind what happened last time....they came around and I ended up having a pretty good cycle. However, it is very hard to hear; knowing that you are so ready to be pregnant and have spent a lot of money.

She also told me about how common this is with Endometriosis patients. My body responded so well to this exact process when I was trying to get pregnant with Gavin and Nolen and now it doesn't. She said that what happens a lot of times is by the time you reach age 35....you do not make any eggs at all! Awesome.....I know.

Sooo.....we will continue with the shots and go back on Monday or Tuesday and pray that things are completely different. I know it can happen and I know it only takes one egg so I am "choosing" to think positive thoughts. As my very wise Mother says, "sometimes we say and write what we want to feel....and it helps us to actually feel that way". That made a lot more sense when she said it.

And then....the ride home. How did my boys know that my Doctors appointment had anything to do with having a baby? I have no clue because I did not tell them....but this is how the conversation went on the way home.

Gavin: Mommy, when is Jesus gonna put a baby in your tummy?"

Me: I am not sure Gavin....hopefully very soon.

Gavin: Well....what is taking so long? Can Jesus put a baby in your tummy right now?

Me: Hmmm....well Gavin--Jesus can do anything He wants to do.

Gavin: Well, then why isn't your seatbelt sticking out now cause the baby is in there?

Me: It takes a long time for the baby to grow so my tummy wouldn't be sticking out yet.

Gavin: Elliott (their cousin..who will be 2 in February) is too big for me to hold now....so we need another baby to hold. You know I will help you with my baby sister and Nolen will too. I will hold her and she will try to walk and she will fall down and I will help her up.

Nolen: I wanna hold you baby too Mommy!!!

Mommy: (Fighting back tears at this point) I know you and Nolen will be great big brothers. We just have to pray and ask Jesus to give us a baby.

Kids are so amazing! They have faith when we don't and they make us smile when we don't want to.

Thank you Jesus for my two awesome boys! Oh yeh....and I am ready for another whenever you are!!!