From Bad to Worse....

I was so hoping to be able to say that I now have 20 eggs and they all look amazing....but that is not the case.

Two.....I have two eggs on one side and 0 on the other. I suppose the bright side (I am looking really hard) is that the 2 eggs that I do have are good eggs.

After talking with Dr. H and Eric....we are not going to do insemination this cycle. Dr. H said that she can't tell me that it is worth the cost....with only 2 eggs. We are going to try on our own. I still did my trigger shot (to make me ovulate) and I will still do progesterone so that if I do get pregnant I won't miscarry like I did last time.

Dr. H informed me today that if I do not get pregnant this month that she would try the shots for 2 more cycles and if I don't produce more eggs then there is really nothing else to do. I am on the highest dose of shots available and if they are not helping me to make more eggs then nothing will.

She told me that I am very fortunate that Eric and I started trying at a young age because if we would have waited until now to start a family.....I may not have ever gotten pregnant. I already knew that our boys were miracles....but that just makes me even more aware of just how blessed I am to have them.

I feel like a bomb was dropped on me today. I know that God can work a miracle....like I said before--I only need one egg to get pregnant. My husband, our boys and I all want another baby....I know that God has given us that desire. I think that is the hardest part--I want to give my husband another baby and our boys a sibling and I have NO control over if or when that will happen. I feel in some ways like I am letting them down....

I don't understand why we have to go through this....I don't know why it is soooo easy for some people to get pregnant and seems impossible for me. I want so badly to add to our family and it is so hard knowing that I cannot do what I was created to do.

But...it is amazing to know that there are people out there praying for us. When I get home and check my facebook or blog and I have a comment that God put me and my family on some one's heart at the exact time that I was hearing some not so good news; you just have no idea how much that means to me.

I would appreciate your prayers now.....that God would bless us with a Christmas miracle. A pregnancy would be ideal but if not that then a peace that passes all understanding...because I don't understand.